stark raving sane

what is this exactly?

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 03:27:30 GMT

so i'm officially 20. and more confused than ever. but in a good way? possibly? just gonna try to ride it out and see where this all ends up.

awakenings

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 03:43:29 GMT

so - out of pure luck - my mother and i went to the spring awakening box office at about 5 til 2 to see if there were standing room only tickets left. of course the guys says they're gone and the show's sold out, but as we turn to leave he says that somebody cancelled and he has two orchestra seats (bad side, still at full price) in the 11th row center section. in roughly 10 seconds my mom decides to go for it and just gets the tickets and we find ourselves being ushered into the theater. the show was really good, much funnier than i'd expected, but also kinda terribly depressing at points. I'd definitely be up for seeing it again at some point, but i don't know if i'd be willing to battle the MASSIVE lines for student rush and stuff to get tickets. i'll give it some time and then try again.

after that my brother insisted on going to the guitar stores with his friend so mom and i ended up shopping for a bit - even though all i really wanted to do was just go home and sit. so, after missing the 6 00 train b/c my brother's short shopping period turned into over an hour, we end up barely catching the 6 30 train as they practically had to run to meet us and get on the train in time. and as we're boarding my phone makes that funny dinging noise. looking down, i notice that i have a text message along the lines of "hey, i'm near the theater, are you working now?" immediately assuming it was erin or someone, i was shocked to find that it was blake when i scrolled the screen down. my thought process was something along the lines of - he thought of me?!?!?! and actually TOOK INITIATIVE?!?!?!?!?!?! absolutely stunned, i managed to control myself and reply that, no, today is my one day off (even though i practically live there) and that i'm actually on my way home from the city (although not worded quite the same). and i recieve "o well. how was the city? any particular purpose for going?" to which i replied that the day had generally been good and we'd seen spring awakening - and that i'd fill him in later. i also mentioned the possibility of superbad friday night. so we'll see...

but still, OMG

and then it was home and back to the slave mines trying to get this stupid halloween costume done before school starts. here's to hoping it only take a few more days.

because everyone was right.

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 03:33:43 GMT

have unfortunately been forced to the conclusion that everyone was right. it's never going to happen and he's a total idiot. saying that he'll stop in, set something up, but NEVER comming through. obviously i'm not important enough to even stop in and say hi to, so i don't know how i can keep deluding myself into thinking that there's anything. it has to stop here. and yet hope is such a bitch to kill, i'm afraid that i won't be able to do it.

that i'll just keep wasting years this way. speaking of which, my soul is dying after the first and the horrible realization that it was all for nothing. and it seems unfair that some people get everything and others nothing and there's no reason for it - it's not deserved, it just is and we're stuck with it.

"Don't you understand? You're the love of my life. I can't leave you, but you are constantly leaving me. You walk away when you want, you come back when you want. Not everyone, not your friends. You leave me. So I'm asking you... if you don't see a future for us, if you're not in this, please, please, just end it because I can't. I'm in it. Put me out of my misery."

hairspray

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 20:17:00 GMT

i <3 link.

heart attack

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 17:53:57 GMT

i think i'm having a heart attack. it was just sprung on me that he's comign home TOMORROW and mentioned something about hanging out, but i don't know if that was serious or not, but regardless, if he's here there's the off chance i might run into him. o god please kill me.

and i have to work an 8 hr shift tonight on concession with 4 sold out shows of harry potter. and i dnt get to dress up or see it. gah.

segways, dinosaurs, the sparkliest thing ever, and free falling

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 20:18:10 GMT

DC was a lot of fun and segways are now officially on my list of favorite things. as are cute tour guides and college guys in suits. the air and space museum reminded me how much i love space-y stuff and of my childhood ambition to be an astronaut. now if only i didn't suck at physics and hate chemistry. sad to say, at the souvineer store, Pluto has officially been wiped off of every map of the solar system. just entirely shunned, as though they're pretending that nobody said it was a planet for the past 20 or so years.

at the natural history museum i got to see the hope diamond (which, if anyone has seen it or a picture of it, is definitely where the "heart of the ocean" came from). it is the most spectacular thing ever, and even though it's supposedly cursed i think i'd take my chances with it. also at the museum were the dinosaurs, but unfortunately no raptors or else i could have died a happy person.

the concert on the capitol lawn on the 4th was good minus the fact that whoever organized it sucked. on the north side of the capitol they had two sets of metal detectors set up, with one line feeding into one, and two (coming from opposing directions) feeding intot he other so that it moved about twice as slow. after initally waiting in line, they made everyone move into parking garages and stuff because of a severe storm warning, and then there was a mad dash to get back in line and we ended up waiting about an hour and a half again and not getting in until about 30 or 40 minutes after the corncert had begun. then, to top it all off, the tent was too high and blocked the view of the bottom half of the fireworks for anyone sittin gin the middle section of the lawn. not to mention that they began as bebe newurth was singing and everyone started moving to see them and then the 1812 overture started late (they should have been timed together) and somehow the orchestra managed to run out of patriotic musical selections before the fireworks ended anyway.

returning from the trip, i went to get the fabric to make anthony's birthday gift that i promised, and unfortunately the black fabric is making my hands and anything it rubs against kinda a purplish black. still deciding if i should make chrissy one, but i can't get good fabric for slytherin, although i have stuff for ravenclaw. hmm. found out that the midnight madness party starts at 9 30 and apparently they're going to have costume contests and trivia and stuff. can't adequately describe how excited i am.

the bleeding bank

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 21:11:11 GMT

so three days, and three trips to the Victoria's Secret semi-annual sale later I am thinking that i have a slight shopping problem and that i current suck at saving money. not to mention that i also bought two potential dresses for Chrissy & Anthony's party as well. may need help choosing one, gotta work on that. so much for the pact with myself - but maybe i can still save the general idea since formal wear and underwear aren't exactly the same as regular clothes (..sure, just keep telling myself that)

saw les mis yesterday. had forgotten how totally depressing it is, but it was brilliant nonetheless. also, got to meet up with rose after she got off of work and we went to the toys r us in times square and preordered copies of hp 7. yay for finally having a plan!

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 21:12:15 GMT

i wanted it too bad. it's all one grand illusion that we buy into because the truth is too difficult to accept. and i just find myself wishing that i was still ignorant, that i could buy into it.

jealousy

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 20:01:18 GMT

this is me having a breakdown. b/c my friend was at the cannes film festival and i just saw the pictures and am about to die. god do i need an internship. the end.

arg.

Sat, 02 Jun 2007 04:19:38 GMT

i fear he's gay. it would figure though, god forbid i actually have things in common with and am able to talk to a straight guy. hell. just have to shove him back in the closet.

failure

Sun, 20 May 2007 05:57:11 GMT

was so depressed. ate EVERYTHING in sight. and by that i mean half a chipwhich, a haggan daz bar, and part of both a pint of cookie dough and mint chocolate fudge ice cream. not to mention chocolate cake, the remaineder of the yogurt covered raising, pineapple chunks, various assortments of chips and pretzels, trail mix, and alcohol.

and then i cut andrea's hair. miraculously it came out quite well. go figure. drunk haircutting by amatureurs is so in in 07.

ps - why the hell does my soul mate live in the carolinas/ i don't think he's gonna be living on the island during the summer although may be visiting. arg. who else loves raptors and is wonderful. gah.

spanish

Sat, 19 May 2007 22:19:25 GMT

proud of myself - i only ate one yogurt covered raisin and one chunk of dried pinapple despite the open packages sitting in front of me. and i went to the gym this morning. even if it was the most half-assed workout ever, at least i managed to haul myself over there

re-reading order of the phoenix. had forgotten just how much i hate umbridge and how she makes me want to throw the book across the room. needless to say, this has been far more interesting than studying for my last final, and as a result i have only managed to review the past and imperfect tenses thus far. really need to get on that. plans for tonight - watch jurassic park, read, ACTUALLY STUDY.

and i have a ton of points left at both the dc and retreat, so after lunch i went on a mild shopping spree and bought all of the trailmixes/cady bags that they had and then tried to give them away, with less succes than i would have hoped. and i still have over 100 points there alone. and i'm here til tuesday - probably not even eating lunch here then. looks like i'll be bringing food home to the family.

procrastination

Wed, 16 May 2007 21:29:49 GMT

it seems as though vassar is the only school still in session. arg. i HATE finals. i am so immensely tired of studying - it literally puts me to sleep. and time is just crawling by. i have done everything i can think of to waste time: studied, talked to people, napped, stared out the window at the mild, 15 minute hurricane of sorts that hit earlier, eaten, looked for pictures of velociraptors (no, there was no good reason for that). this is terrible. and tomorrow's going to be worse because the test isn't until 5 so i'm going to feel forced to study all day as time refuses to move forward.

and i ate oodles yesterday. gah. still convinced that vassar is trying to make us all fat. why else would they have two events with free icecream, a free dorm dinner, and free all you can eat midnight breakfast on the same day.. huh?

beginning of the end

Tue, 08 May 2007 16:42:17 GMT

Today was the last day of classes. Only two finals and half a film final to go until i'm officially done. Goals of the day:
go to the gym (accomplished)
do laundry/change sheets (in progress)
vaccuum
finish multiple choice section & make detailed outlines for the two essays
lecture on abortion rights (?)

founder's day was a lot of fun, although I ate waay too much and felt like I was going to explode for about three hours. And my mother called in the middle of the day to tell me about a patient who got married in Disney World/ask if i had called the theater about the summer. Thank god i was sober at that point because it could have been very bad. It was kind of amusing, however, because i was just looking at disney world weddings sometime last week when i was bored. Anyway, back to the festivities: they had the carnival swings this year which were a lot of fun. The water slide was pretty cool too, although i didn't end up going on it because the sun decided to disappear and i would have frozen. The fireworks were brilliant - i'm thinking they hire professionals to do them or something, but we ended up not staying to watch all of Fantasia because it turns out it's not that entertaining. and suddenly i remembered why i could never remember actually sitting down and watching the whole thing. topping the night off properly, Andrea and I, and then Andrea and Josh, had a sock wrestling contest. which i won.

i'm getting psyched for the roadtrip this weekend (and actually for when the PEACE kids come to the college friday morning too). We've made a list of songs for the trip and now just have to get to work burning them. Things that are defnitely happening: eating out. a lot of good food, taking in a movie (presumably spiderman 3 since none of us have seen it yet), coldstone and/or friendly's, and the cutest breakfast ever. Other potentials depending on weather and such : the beach, ice skating, shopping, Avalon, and other random crap. and definitely harassing any friends who are at home.

Unfortuanately, my excitement for the summer is diminishing somewhat (minus the part where i go to Disney World). Lots of people aren't going to be returning to the theater for one reason or another and i'm just hoping that it doesn't suck being as i'll be spending tons of time there. bleh. and i don't even know where to begin with the whole blake thing. it's not very good at the moment. oddly, however, jess had a dream about me and him the other night. come to think of it, so did i actually. in a really retarted high school musical with the music from moulin rouge kinda way. whatever, there's nothing i can really do anyway.

founder's day

Thu, 03 May 2007 21:02:00 GMT

- have the room of my dreams for next year and it's going to be sweet
- am officially a media studies major, paperwork filed and all! yay for have somewhat of a direction in life

founder's day:
1. the theme is fantasia, so of course i had to buy oodles of merchandise with the hippo and/or mickey on it
2. there's going to be a water slide. and bouncy castle. and rides. can't describe how thrilled i'm going to be
3. the weather is supposed to be gorgeous
4. fire show, fireworks, and fantasia under the stars by sunset lake. and free glow necklaces. beautiful
5. more dancing, debauchery, eating, and fun than should be allowed. although i will not be observing national make-out day under any circumstances (let me amend that - unless wentworth miller shows up...)
6. i thoroughly plan to call EVERYONE as long as my attention holds. and take lots of pictures/ not hurt my camera *fingers crossed*
7. we're having breakfast at the DC. and i am getting WHATEVER i want. even if i only eat 2 bites of it. b/c i have a shit ton of points left and i want to. and with any luck i'll have chocolate chips to pour over a waffle - assuming someone goes to the food store. hopefully andrea will melt another bowl full of cheese and eat it straight this year

and in the interest of enjoying the day to its fullest i need to finish a draft of my damn bio paper. and give my spanish presentation tomorrow morning. and then i'm home free. arg - hate writing papers but suppose that i should actually start that now...

sangre, comida, y la escritura

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 04:36:52 GMT

donated blood today. went well. unfortunately it, in combination with Lathrop unplugged, made me feel entitled to eat all the free food at study break in addition to anything else i could get my hands on. Not feeling so hot... so going to the gym tomorrow morning. espeically if i'm planning on doing the fun run on the morning of founders day (haha - we'll see if that actually happens)

I've fallen in love. with room 422 - while it's not the biggest room in the dorm, it is absolutely gorgeous. located in the south nook, it's kinda an L shape and has three glorious windows that overlook the quad. either that or Kyle's room, but i think we're going to try to take over the 4south nook. so i'll be opting for the slightly smaller room in favor of the windows/vista. i'm hoping to get a comfy chair or loveseat from ikea, but am thinking i'm going to have to get a new bookshelf as well. the one i have now is kinda wide and short and i might need a thinner, tall one if i'm to fit a chair. i already found one i want on the ikea website... *crosses fingers for room draw tomorrow night*

at the moment i'm writing (or will go back to writing in a moment) the most kick-ass spanish paper ever. about the need to reform the way primary and secondary education is taught. in spanish. only, it's taking me a while cause it's in spanish. eh. need to get back to that, especially considering how i have done absolutely nothing today in terms of school work.

arg. hell.

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 23:04:53 GMT

so irritated. Just went in to see Tracy's room (right next door to mine) for room draw and she was like.. well I was actually planning on taking the room again next year. bitch. she 1. is a transfer student who shouldn't have that room this year anyway and the only reason she does is because andy left half way through last semester and 2. she is literally the person ahead of me on the room draw list. as in, is currently planning to take it right as its within my grasp. so now i need to regroup and find a new room. shit.

and the room has a closet : p

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 23:36:01 GMT

have you ever wished a moment could stretch on forever? right now i could venture to say that the world is perfect, its beauty overwhelming. and for the first time i consciously wish my parents were here so we could just go on a walk - like we used to do at dusk in the summer. and the wind in the trees could almost be mistaken for waves... i can't wait for the summer

it's stunning how amazing sunsets are and how sucky sunrises are. go figure.

p.s. freaking out because i still need to officially declare my major

Spring is Here!

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 19:31:00 GMT

it is GORGEOUS outside. 80 degrees, sunny, light breeze, and not a cloud in sight. and as today is the celebration of Jewett's centenial, there's a huge party on the quad - an obstacle course, bouncy castle, free snow cones and cotton candy, and a free bbq, bonfire, and dance party to come. it looks like you've walked into a college ad with everyone out on the quad on picnic blankets hangning out and soaking up the sun. not to mention the requesite frisbee players. this is what college should be. always. who needs classes and papers anyway?

the down side of this all - i'm not getting anything at all done. and i have an entire bio paper to write today. looks like i'll be doing it after the sun goes down once everyone else is drunk and at the concert. or i'll just watch the graduate. eh, could be a late night. also, connie & ralph invited me to go shopping at the garden state mall with them today/out to eat, but i had to refused based on the weather and happenings of the day. maybe next time.

being as yesterday was 4/20, i found myself totally surrounded by stoned people for the second half of the day because adam made weed cookies and was selling them. while i briefly considered trying one, i remembered that i had promised myself i'm not having any cookies until founder's day and quickly dismissed the idea. hope the weather is as wonderful as this on founders day. it would be perfect.

looking forward to summer, although it's looking like i didn't get the internship because i have not gotten anything from them, even after sending a follow up email to inquire about my application. oh well. it's going to be brilliant - friends, the beach, theme parks, florida, and actually making money...

major

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 20:42:56 GMT

I have a major!!! finally - just need to write and submit my focus proposal.

back to laundry/packing/the spanish hw that i didn't finish.

out of reach

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 03:09:11 GMT

still sick - although it's now been reduced to a cough, which is better than generally crappiness... as such, have officially eaten everything in sight since sunday. need to start on my "diet" again tomorrow...

valentine's day was good, considering that it is the worst holiday ever invented. I watched the Princess Bride - had forgotten how brilliant it is, having not seen it for a year or so. the snow storm resulted in the cancellation of two out of my three classes (yea for the spanish quiz being pushed back). andrea, rachel, and i had a whipped cream fight in the middle of the DC. priceless. we watched an episode of grey's. and since there was a blizzard and everything was closed/cancelled I got to stay in the room all day and didn't have to see even one couple. score!

For the first time all week, I actually did work today. Need to do so much to catch up... ew, why on earth does school have to involve homework?

for social psych i'm writing an application activity about the self (involves, as you may have guessed, analyzing yourself). conclusions: i'm a tool. need to work on that.

prestige

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 19:27:28 GMT

sucessfully made it through my first week of classes. while it's not going to be exactly easy, it should be somewhat better than last semester. also, I joined PEACE and that started yesterday. i think my mentee is a little intimidated by me, but hopefully he'll open up more once he gets to know me. and rachel and i have actually managed to gather enough people for half of an intramural soccer team. so we just have until it gets warm out to find the other half. i think we can do it.

had a brilliant time last night - did lots of different things, hung out with the freshmen for a while, made a few new friends. good times all around. and tonight the film leage is showing the Prestige, so needless to say, i'm going and am thrilled. it'll be interesting to see it a second time and be able to watch for things that i missed the first time around. i'm thinking another night in is to follow as well, because i'm assuming it will still be cold tonight and i don't want to go outside. possibly season 2 of grey's or superman returns (wishing i had the rest of season 2 or 24 to watch... but alas, i'll have to wait until spring break). i can set to work on writing the letters for my mass mailing.

p.s. - it's been over a week and i'm still lasting. moving along...

brilliant

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 15:58:27 GMT

this week has been utterly fantastic. okay, so part of the fantastic is extremely frustrating because it brought new year's resolution #1 crashing down. the second i actually manage to get over, stop worrying about blake, he goes and IMs me. and is back on long island. meaning that i might see him again at some point. eh. happy and yet oober spastic again.
aside therefrom, got my grades. it turns out locking myself in my room and reading/writing/studying 24/7 actually paid off. 3 As, an A-, and a B + for a semester GPA of 3.8. who would have known it was possible.
and i may get a second job at cold stone. if someone could remind me of why i'm even considering this it would be very helpful.

btw - go see the holiday if u haven't. it's super cute. and why can't gorgeous drunk men show up at my door in the middle of the night?

finals

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 17:39:42 GMT

i HATE physiological psych

tis the season

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 00:57:23 GMT

it's officially christmas and last night we had our annual christmas movie marathon, consisiting of Bridget Jones' Diary and Love Actually. Uplifiting for the most part, so that's good. and i'm offically listening to the 24/7 christmas radio station all the time. and tomorrow is lessons & carols. psyched to sing christmas carols and hold candles? i think so. and - perhaps most importantly - it's supposed to snow tomorrow night/monday!!! can't wait

today wasn't as productive as i'd hoped - needless to say i should be writing my media theory paper right now instead of doing this... and i hate dieting, by the way. i've had three meals of cereal today. and went running. all so i can have hot chocolate and peppermint bark tonight. : p

kinda off topic- but i haven't spoken to blake for like 2 weeks. and then i was thinking about it and i can't come up with a clear image of what he looks like. it's scary to think how people just fade from your memory. and then i was listnening to the song "Fellin' This" and it's sooo fitting and is what i've decided to run with- "fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer". i'm just hoping that eventually i'll end with my happy ending - bridget jones style, because right now my life seems to be very similar to hers anyway, minus the guys. maybe i should IM him. i want to, but i just can't see the point. it's sad to think how some people can just fade out of your life, while others who you try to get rid of won't budge. i've figured out what it is"it struck me that i've been waiting since birth to find A love that would look and sound like a movie"

things have been changing. they ARE changing. nothing is clearly defined anymore, it's all complicated - despite appearances or people insisting otherwise.

i suppose that's what a liberal arts college does to you - makes you question yourself, ask why you do the things you do